What’s Stopping You?
Ohhhhhh… Friend. I still got all them feels from Chitown this weekend. It was truly not only a productive weekend but one of freedom.
If you don’t follow me on Instagram or Facebook (and Friend, why aren’t you??) then you know I am currently living in Pensacola, FL but getting ready to live part time in Chicago. And before you ask the next logical question to the born and bred Miami girl, ‘Why the Chi?’ … I’ll beat you to the punch and explain. 😉
So, my first trip to Chicago was in October of 2008. I literally fell in love with the City. Like, all in. I called Momma J my second day and proclaimed (boldly) I was moving to Chicago. And of course, my pragmatic and wise mother replied, ‘call me in January or February and let me know how much you loooooove you some Chicago then.’ Well, 9 years later … here we are. KJ is movin to the Chi.
Ok, now that we’ve established some history and a method to my madness … let’s keep it moving Friend. 🙂
I had an idea of this weekend being all about logistics and setting up for the move in October. But Grace had a whole ‘nother plan for this weekend, which seems to be the way Grace works. In the midst of the busy moments (and it really was non-stop), I was able to reflect on the path before me and the immense growth I have experienced to lead me to be ready to take on this new Purpose and Dream. But, at the same time, I started to feel something contrary to the joy flooding my soul. It was regret and disappointment. Maybe even shame.
It’s been a long road of brokenness and pain that I have persevered through in the last 3 years. Some of it self-inflicted from poor decisions, some just a consequence of the world we live in. Looking back in the last 9 months, it seems it’s been where the greatest relational growth has occurred. As I like to say, ‘you don’t know what you don’t know.’ So now I know. And that is good. But, what I found myself dwelling on this past weekend was, why didn’t I know and why didn’t I know to do better. Why couldn’t I have known then what I know now?
Have I lost you yet? You still there, Friend? 🙂
Up to this point in writing this post, I had no idea where I was going with this. But, sister gonna land that plane right now. So here it is: eff fear. eff shame. And eff regret.
Let that ish just go. Forget it. It’s the past. It’s done. You and I cannot change anything that happened. But what we can change is our perspective and how we choose to move forward in the Present. What if all of our past mistakes and mishaps were actually being woven for something good? What if it is the road that is leading up to our Purpose and fulfillment of our Dreams? What if every poor decision, broken relationship and moments of regret and heartache have led us to this very moment? What if Grace covered it all?
With Grace being the lens you view the Past through, could you let it all go? Could you embrace where you are right now? Could you not just tentatively take the next step, but boldly run ahead into the Future? Into your own Dreams and Purpose? I can. You can. We can.
I embrace the Past making me the woman I am today. I will choose to extend myself Grace in forgiving myself of the past mistakes and relational failures. And in that, the energy spent on dwelling in the past regret, shame and disappointment is now freed up to open myself to others. To meet others where they are, be and show Grace where needed and fully live the life I was meant and created to live out. Because, in the end, it is only Grace.
beijos,
kj ♥